


A Quarter to a Fixed Heart

by Hannibalsapron



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 00:33:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6633511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannibalsapron/pseuds/Hannibalsapron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Breaking up when you’re still in love hurts the most because you know that if things were to be different, just a little bit different, nights won’t have to be sad anymore.” A short feeling poem about how Dan wants a child but Phil does not and inevitably leaves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Quarter to a Fixed Heart

Inspired By: ‘If you’ by Big Bang and a video where Dan says he wants two or three children. Can't find the link for now

Sometimes I wonder why people talk about so much past, about remembering things. Sometimes I wonder why I was the same way. Because whatever I do, sends me into fragments in time where I felt as if I was taking in so much fresh air that it actually hurt. And when I sit down with a friendly face reminding me that things weren’t meant to be and that you and I would have never worked out, I have a sinking feeling of the a small possibility that we were. That if I put up with your lapses of warm hugs, and mundane smell of coffee being burnt at 5am, you would have been waiting home at our apartment when I get back from work and kiss me until your glasses got in the way. People hated the way I melt into the preceding moments of life and fall back into a spherical idea of Phil’s love.

  
_“Dan, I told you so many times, I don’t. Want. A child.”_

  
When things cut you off when you knew it was coming, does that make you an optimist or a very idiotic person? Well the truth is that it makes you an idiotic person to fall in even greater idiotic love with a person who cannot be idiotic for the sake of you. A sensible person behind a lukewarm persona of change.

  
_“I don’t care that you love me anymore Dan! I- we just cannot get married if you want a child.”_

  
Have you ever felt trapped in a sort of limbo between numbness and an extreme bout of sadness? I can’t really put into words the way I felt like wanting to lay down on my bed whilst simultaneously placing my head gently on gravel so a bus running at 64 miles an hour could hit me straight on. It’s a very odd feeling because in one hand, I knew it would pass and that my original goal would be so much clearer but on the other hand, you know that happiness is dragging itself to be hidden under a pillow a plane ride away from love.

  
_“Please don’t hold me like that. I don’t want to cry.”_

  
I’ve always felt that soft spoken people release the most anger and hurt. Why is that? I believe it’s because that we hear all these sounds, streets filling in with all the noise pollution that silence becomes poignant. It’s the same when there are clouds of silence in a situation with emotional pollution, it becomes a vapid and bottomless void that pulls you to pay attention to it- I’m really tired, actually.

  
_“I’m just going to go, okay?”_

  
I never really realized that ‘okay’ seemed flat even out of text. But the way Phil said it, was so light that I choke on it and I’m just left in an old t-shirt and shorts watching his car speed away, a blinking light as he turns and leaves. Because in a way, okay was always seen as a useless adjunct, a confirmation that ends in silence; that ends in a stable line of understanding and I just hated to hate that rather, it left me confused and gasping for closure in an open-ended sea.

  
_“Dan, you can’t come to my place every other day to tell me that you love me because it just hurts me greater. You- you have to know that I’m leaving the country.”_

  
Nonetheless always, things end. Stopping it would be counterproductive and in the most part, utterly useless because endings are destined to happen. But I will remember you in the end of a chapter, in a closed flower, in a breath between a sudden laugh. An outpour of water, overflowing through cupped hands in a high off of you. And now you still remain, in my peripheral vision while my son smiles up at me and I smile back.

  
**Unknown Number contacting you.**

_“You’re going to make a great father.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t ask me why I keep writing break-up fics lol. This is just one of my ramblings at midnight so please tell me what you think!


End file.
